2019 for me will always be defined as the year of the epiphany.
On December 31st, 2018 I sat at a restaurant to celebrate New Year’s Eve. Tears streaming down my face unable to control myself to stop I knew something was not right. This should have been a large red flag that things in my life were not going well for me. By the time the ball dropped, I was already at home. Ringing in the new year sitting on the couch feeling sorry for myself. I made a resolution to figure it out. As many of you may know, when things are not right it does not become clear right away. It is a build-up of small moments that lead to the one thought that changes everything.
Once you have that first thought the epiphany, everything shifts and it becomes clear on what you need to do. The epiphany moment then defines all other actions.
How 2019 began
I spent the first 4 months of 2019 trying to make subtle changes to my life. This busywork made me feel like I was accomplishing something. In reality, I would have needed to do thousands of things to make any significant changes in my life. The reality was, I worked too much and didn’t have any new ideas to make the changes I needed to get to my next level of life. My relationship with my partner was tense and unhealthy. My weight was the highest it had ever been. I felt unfulfilled, unconfident, incapable.
Have you ever taken one of those personality tests before? I learned this year that in stressful moments the opposite as true for those tests. I’m not sure if you follow but when I have taken these tests before it would say things like I was confident, a self-starter, extrovert, that I thrive when I am sharing ideas with others and am leading. So for 2019 I actually had been a place of withdrawing myself, unconfidence, and a place of scarcity. I was drained emotionally, physically, and mentally. One day in April everything started to change.
The conversation when everything started to shift
Most of 2018 and even the beginning of 2019 I had withdrawn from relationships so much that it had been almost a year since I saw one of my good friends. I was unconsciously avoiding social situations by making excuses. I didn’t want to face the fact or say out loud what was going on in my life. When she reached out to meet up I made it a point to go see her. After we exchanged the Hi, How are you’s. She stopped me to say that she could see inside of me something was not right. I looked really sad. I was radiating sadness. This was an eye-opening epiphany moment because my unconscious was being called out in a big way.
After many tears, I left there a little bit different than when I arrived. Shortly after this epiphany, I was in a business partner meeting. This is when the next shift happened. We were talking about what needed to happen. We had been butting heads and ultimately we were both stressed because we didn’t know how to fix the problems we were facing quickly. That weekend I had the epiphany there were many things I could do but ultimately none of them would be a good enough outcome to make a difference. I came to the conclusion that I needed to step down from my position and leave the studio.
In a 30 day period, I turned my life upside down and changed everything. I moved, quit my job, traveled, worked on myself, learned new skills, and left my relationship. In the coming months to finish 2019 I had lost over 30lbs and had made more progress on my business than I had the 5 previous years. Feeling lighter on my feet I was ready to face 2020. I am very excited to see what the future holds and am blissfully optimistic that the best is yet to come.
The future is not yet written and we can be and do whatever we want to do if we put our minds to it! Epiphany moments are messages from the universe that things are changing. All it takes is one moment to think a thought, and change everything.
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